Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner

Crying in H Mart

Author: Michelle Zauner

Genre: Memoir

Date: 28 December 2021

Rating: 4 stars

Review: My biggest complaint as a 11 year old reading Enid Blyton's popular series for children: The Famous Five was the fact that I always felt extremely hungry because of the exceptional descriptions of food. I felt the same way at 23 while reading Zauner's beautifully written memoir about growing up Korean American, losing her mother and finding herself. The book is a love letter to Korean, and Asian, food as much as it is to her mother, who fought cancer before succumbing to it.

Memoirs are the only type of non-fiction books that I enjoy reading. This was exactly the kind of memoir that I like. The kind that takes you through the author's life in relationship to one particular event, in this case Zauner's mother's battle with cancer that became a battle for their entire family. It described in ways I don't have words for the feeling of already grieving someone even before they die. Zauner's words break your heart as she talks about her mother slowly losing her appetite for the food she once meticulously prepared and then had. The precision with which she cooked and prepared the dishes in Zauner's youth fades away and in a way the author tries to remember her mother through the food that she eats.

Another very interesting angle that is discussed in this book is beauty. Zauner's mother was invested in her looks, constantly striving to look the perfect version of herself and encouraging her daughter to do the same. But as the cancer chips away at her mother, Zauner can see her losing that part of herself along with the hair that fell out as a consequence of the chemotherapy.

In some stunning chapters, Zauner also talks about what it means to be torn between the two halves of her identity. She is both Caucasian like her father and Korean like her mother, in the deal she does not feel like she is really either of those things. She talks about how she spent her childhood trying to disguise her Korean self just to fit in. But after losing her mother she clings onto that part of herself to feel closer to her mother.

The book is heartbreaking but it is also hopeful. The idea that a person lives on after their death in the things they leave behind and the people they leave behind is expressed so well in this book. But Zauner also says that there is no getting over the death of a parent. Her relationship with her father is a complicated one and post the death of her mother it becomes even more tense, but in those chapters when you see them trying to bond you realise just how much one person can hold a family together.

I read somewhere that giving a book 4 stars is basically saying, "The book was perfect except for a few minor problems." There were only two things that stopped me from giving this book 5 stars. 1. The book ended abruptly in my opinion. I felt like the conclusion could have been done better. When I say this I don't mean that she should have said that she healed or suddenly one day was over the death of her mother. Even if she would have ended the book right after her mother passed away it would have been a satisfying ending if it had been handled well. 2. There are parts of the book that are slow. I found my mind wandering and had to force myself to get back to reading. This has nothing to do with the language used, just that the pacing seemed off in some places.

Still, it was an exceptionally written memoir. It also featured in Barack Obama's top reads of 2021, so I'm in good company when I say that anyone with the slightest interest in Asian cuisine and anyone who wants to read a book that breaks you with its portrayal of real families should pick this one up.