The Thursday Murder Club by Richard Osman

In this one I admit that I just am not the target audience for every book; no matter how much I'd like to be.

Old people are *gasp* interesting! 

The theme of this book can be boiled down to just that sentiment. Instead, Osman pads this statement with 300 pages of meandering plot and about 50 characters. It makes for a tiring read that had me losing track of my thoughts almost as often as the retirement community residents at the centre of this book.

The Thursday Murder Club, the first in a series by the same name, is marketed as a mystery novel. It became a massive hit soon after its publication, and the recent release of the fourth book in the series means it is impossible to walk into a Waterstone without bumping into life-sized posters advertising the massive hit. I will begin by saying that I am not the target audience for this book, and before I go ahead and say some (well deserved) negative things, I will also mention that I can still picture the kind of person who would love this book. However, some things have to be said.

At the story’s centre is the idea that everyone has secret lives, things in their past that they would rather hide, even older people. The book tries to delve deeper into the intricate inner lives of those living in retirement communities, their relationships, and how they continue to thrive way past the expiry date society would like to stamp them with. Did I take these ideas away at the end of the book? Maybe. Was Osman particularly good at delivering this message? Probably not. Did I have to read the book to know these things? Definitely not.

Sometimes eccentric characters are memorable, and sometimes they are so eccentric that the only thing you remember about them is their eccentricities. I know that Ron likes wine now over beer, I know Chris is overweight and wants to lose the ‘gut’, and I know that Stephen is getting senile but not senile enough to lose at chess. I know these things, but that’s all I know about the characters. The cast of this novel is big enough to populate a small town, and my brain (The cynical will blame it on the short attention spans of the TikTok generation.) does not have the space to remember anything about them except these isolated pieces of strange information. You know there’s something wrong when I can barely remember the real culprit one hour after finishing the novel. 

“The sun is up, the skies are blue, and murder is in the air”

But I may have jumped the gun a little. Osman’s novel is about a mismatched group of retired people who team together due to their shared interest in solving old cases to start a Murder Club. But when the murder of a contractor mildly disturbs their peaceful existence, they turn their attention to (discuss? solve? illegally investigate?) it. Soon, everyone in their world (I mean EVERYONE!) is a suspect and potential murderer. My biggest takeaway from the novel was being shocked at how many shady contacts a grandma can possibly have. The only explanation is that Elizabeth was an International Super Spy. The flippant disregard the group has for the legal system is almost appalling! But, in the end, it is necessary because the police seem pretty incompetent. 

I have read my (and probably several other people’s) fair share of murder mysteries in my 25 years on this planet. I have developed a respect for the tools and tropes required to create a satisfying murder plot. The red herrings. The plot twists. The false leads. Love them all! However, this book even had me on my last bit of patience. The twists just kept coming, and coming, and coming, and guess what… coming! Every single time, they were sure they knew the culprit and every single time, they were only half right. Osman’s attempt at going “Hahah.. Gotchya!” was like the story of the boy who cried wolf. I don’t quite remember who the real culprit was because I subconsciously expected another curveball. 

“So we were all witnesses to a murder" says Elizabeth "Which, needless to say, is wonderful”

The glorious few times I was given complete control of the remote control as a child, I would change the TV channel so rapidly that I did not catch anything more than snippets of songs, two seconds of dialogue, and maybe a few heart-pumping moments of a car chase. I would ‘surf’ channels at such a dizzying speed that it would leave me dazzled but ultimately unsatisfied. That’s what reading the book was like. The chapter and the POV change every few pages. Before I could settle into one narrator’s voice and style, Osman rudely dislocated me, and I had to figure out whose mind I was in once again. Dazzling, but ultimately unsatisfying! 

This already feels like a long list of reasons you should not read this novel. I’m just going to quickly sneak one more in before mentioning a few reasons why maybe you should. There are moments in this novel that are written with the sole purpose of surprising the readers. Some moments actually do. However, when the reader starts anticipating such surprises, even without enough build-up, they are not nearly as impactful. I think I had enough when the awkward Chris is set to embark on a romantic relationship with his attractive subordinate’s mother. (The only thing I remember about her is that she is allergic to dogs. After mentioning it first, Osman expects us to remember why this information is essential 200 pages.) This is instead of the creepy relationship with Donna being built up. This time, the curveball was appreciated. However, it just felt unnecessary. 

“I would never have therapy, because who wants to unravel all that knitting? Not wroth the risk, thank you. My daughter, Joanna, has a therapist, although you'd be hard-pressed to know why if you saw the size of her house.” (Just Joyce Meadowcraft being the star of this novel!)

The Thursday Murder Club felt like a murder mystery written by Fredrik Backman. It is comforting, it had its fair share of funny moments, and if you like reading the ramblings of an older woman trying to figure out the world of modern dating, (Joyce is undeniably entertaining.) the book will be your cup of tea, or, in keeping with the book, your glass of wine. The ideal target audience for this book is a similar demographic as the novel’s characters: eccentric retired people with eccentric reading tastes. 

Some memorable quotes:

“We all have a sob story, but we don't all go around killing people.”

“There is another dating app for gay men called Grindr. Perhaps it’s for gay women too? I don’t know, I didn’t ask. Would they use the same one? That would be nice.”

“No kneeling for him these days, though, arthritis and Catholicism being an uneasy mix.”

“Big is the same as small. There's just more of it.”

And my absolute favourite:

“It was a well-known fact that there were no calories in homemade cakes.”